Approximately 2 weeks ago, I turned 30-years-old. As I inched closer to the big three-oh, I heard from other 30-year-olds how great 30 was and how your life really begins to happen in your 30s. Well, I’ve been here 2 ½ weeks and I hate it here lol. Let me explain.
I made many poor choices in my 20s, be it with friendships, men, money, student loans. I had a good glow up but all while I was still very discombobulated in the aspects of the things that were going to affect me into my 30s and beyond. So, here I am, looking around trying to figure out how to sweep up the debris caused by the mini catastrophes I created being careless.
I’ve been open on this blog about my uphill battle with my mental health, anxiety, and depression. Two weeks before I turned 30, I got into a car accident that was allegedly my fault. I suppressed how I felt about the accident until probably this past Sunday when I sat and reflected on my life over the last 30 years. Since my birthday, my depression revved up to an all-time high and when I finally admitted that the accident affected me, I broke.
A few panic attacks later, I got my shit in order and took the advice of my dad and friend. They told me to write down some goals for myself. One of the goals is to stop holding in how I feel. I have to acknowledge when I’m not happy or when I am happy because those feelings are real. Keeping them in won’t make them any better. I recognize that the longer I hold on to it the bigger the explosion. To lessen the blow, let it go. I started with 11 short term goals that I think are obtainable. I had to be realistic with the timeline because some will take longer than others. One thing I did not do was write down how I was going to accomplish some of the goals…I only outlined a few. There are some goals I will not share on this platform but I will share the ones that I believe will help others. These are in no particular order.
- Validate my emotions: Whatever I feel, I have to acknowledge that those feelings exist. When I have multiple ones at once, write them down to not harbor them all. (This is an on-going goal).
- Pay off one credit card at a time: It’s unrealistic to take all of your credit cards at once. Continue to make the minimum payments on all of them but pay more than the minimum on your lowest card as much as you can. Then, once the lowest card is paid off, do not use it again and take the payments you were putting on that card onto the next lowest card. So, essentially, you’ll pay the minimum payment for the first card, the minimum payment on the second card, plus extra on the second card. Continue to follow that pattern. (This is an on-going goal).
- Look for the next opportunity: In grad school, one of my professors would always tell us that when we landed a job to ensure that we did the following: a.) never lose your keys, b.) don’t burn down the building, and c.) always be looking for your next job. His advice has always stuck with me. In order to meet your financial goals, never stop checking out what other job opportunities are out there while you are employed. That will motivate you to get all of your professional development experience in your current job so that you will be ready to move into the next role. I’ve been doing this but while I wait, I paid for my own LLC so I can start getting booked for workshops and presentations on the side to supplement my income. I do plan on applying for jobs with higher salary as well. (I hope to meet this goal by June 2020).
- Get booked: I want to get my first speaking opportunity to grow my business. I am trying to figure out ways to get my name out there and who to speak with. (Goal to have first paid speaking engagement: April 2020)
- To make this work, I have to stop being afraid to ask for help.
- Let go of toxic people: Now, this is something I’ve been doing since I was about 18. I have a great set of core friends who are truly genuine. I’ve stopped communicating with a couple of the guys I was entertaining recently. I finally recognized that me carrying on with them was doing nothing to enhance my life. (This goal is on-going)
- Toxic people include members of my family. I’m still working on what that looks like. Unlike people who aren’t blood related, family is a touchy thing. When I say let go, I don’t mean that I want them out of my life. I mean that I need to find a way to tell them how their toxic actions have impacted me. I need to find a way to say it without them taking it personal and thinking that I don’t love them.
- Finish this damn Ph.D: This goes without saying. I’m ready to be DONE!!!! (Graduation goal is December 2020).
- Reconnect with God/Spirituality: I realized that part of my inner turmoil is that I need to stay close with God. I’ve been praying more. I don’t feel comfortable in the church anymore but not because I don’t believe in God. At some point, I started feeling isolated in the church and now every time I walk in there, I feel condemned. It’s the wildest feeling. I decided in order to recenter myself, that I need to do the work on my own with the help of my dad, the Bible, and friends. Learn to be thankful for where I am now and what I do have. **Shout out to Mesha for putting me on Sara Jakes Roberts’ Podcast ** (This goal is on-going).
Seeing my goals written out has helped me see my 30s more clear. I’m ready to tackle this next decade and I know I have nothing to fear now. Whatever is going to happen was designed to happen and I will be successful.
❤ Queen T