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To some, the title, Stop Inviting Me Over If Your House Ain’t Clean may be alarming. But to others, you know exactly what I mean. I’m even going to flex, I used to date this guy who didn’t know what cleaning meant. His apartment was always a mess, the bathroom looked like it hadn’t tasted a lick of Scrubbing Bubbles since the building was built, I was scared of the kitchen because I thought something was growing in it, I mean…it was bad. Since that relationship has long since ended, I vowed to never go to anyone’s house that wasn’t clean. 

Since being back on the dating scene, it’s been kind of weird trying to figuring out if a guy’s apartment/house is clean before I decide to go over there. It’s weird to come out and say “hey, sir! Is your apartment clean? Is your bathroom clean? Do you know how to use bathroom cleaner? Do you wash your dishes? Do you leave your trash in the can for days?” I remember I was on FaceTime with this guy a couple weeks ago and I could see his room in the background. It was an entire mess. I made a mental note to stop talking to him after that moment. I’m unsure if this is shallow or not but I don’t feel comfortable being in someone’s space that isn’t clean. That tells me so much about you as a person and what type of companion you will be in the future.

And most times, a messy and unclean house is a sign that there may be deeper issues going on with the person in the first place. That’s what I learned about my ex. 

I try my best to ensure that I keep my place clean. I do this for two reasons. The first, I can’t focus on anything if my apartment is not clean. If there are clothes everywhere or I have a sink full of dishes, my mind and body cannot relax because I feel like I’m in chaos. Being at home is supposed to relax you after a long day at work. Coming home to a messy place doesn’t settle me down. The second reason is, if I have guests over, I don’t want them to think I’m a dirty person lol. It’s just not sanitary for anyone and I don’t get how some guys feel comfortable inviting people (especially women they are trying to impress) over knowing their space is filthy. The new me who is appreciative of the standards I set for myself, cannot stand for this. 

But the title goes beyond apartments and houses. Cleaning your “house” means yourself. I don’t think it’s fair to pursue a relationship with anyone if you don’t have yourself together. Here’s a few examples of what I mean.

  1.  If you know for sure you are not ready to be in a relationship because you aren’t ready to give up the multiple other people you’re messing around with, stop inviting me over if your house ain’t clean. Situations like this are tricky. It’s important that when you are searching for someone to be with to date multiple people. I am all for it. But don’t be talking to me about how I’m the one and only but you know good and well I’m not the one and only. Be honest. Let me make the decision if I want to continue to talk to you or not. 
  2. If you have lots of emotional baggage that you aren’t ready to address with a licensed therapist, stop inviting me over if your house ain’t clean. Mental health is very important to me. I’ve met many people who still don’t believe in going to therapy and they carry around all this shit and take it out on the ones they are with. Being mentally healthy is an on-going process just like exercising and eating right. It is part of a longer and more fruitful life and you are doing me and yourself a disservice if you don’t take the time to work on yourself.
  3. In connection with mental health, if you don’t take your physical health seriously, stop inviting me over if your house ain’t clean. I come from a family with a history of heart disease and diabetes. I’ve been big my entire life and in 2013, I decided to make a lifestyle change for myself. I stepped on the scale in 2013 and I was approximately 250 pounds and I couldn’t take it anymore. It is important to be cognizant of how you are treating your body. Although I workout here and there, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t believe in doing some type of physical activity, be it walking during the day or going to the gym a couple times a week, who doesn’t believe in drinking water, who doesn’t eat at least 2 green vegetables. Trust me, I love my share of sweets and things that aren’t good for me. I’m not saying deprive yourself of the things you want, but think about your body long term. Anddddd, on a selfish note: if you’re overweight, that probably means you snore when you sleep and I cannnnnnnnot! lol
  4. If you know for sure you’re not ready to pursue a relationship, stop inviting me over if your house ain’t clean. In my experience, guys know if they want to be with you or not. If you are not sure if you want to be with someone, don’t lead them on and have them thinking you want to be with them. There’s a difference between saying, “I’m not looking for a relationship” and talking and acting like you are looking for one. That does nothing but lead us on and waste our time. Be open and honest about the expectations, especially if you know the woman is starting to catch feelings for you.

This list isn’t an end all be all and to be honest, having a clean house can go with friendships, too. I was talking to one of my really good friends about this. There has been times in the past where I have gotten close to other women and thinking we are friends and then they turn around and disrespect me in the worst way possible because of their own insecurities. 

To conclude, it is important to do self-reflection and self-work before you try to invite people into your space. My best friends tell me this all the time. I had to do lots of self-reflection last year. I realized that at that point in time, I wasn’t ready to allow someone into my life because I still had lots of emotional baggage going on in various avenues in my life. Now, that I am in a better space, I hope this helps someone else who feels they need to clean their house (literally or figuratively) before they invite people over.

❤ Queen T

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