Dad Loves You, Honey!!!
Today, June 16, 2019, we celebrate Father’s Day.
I have been privileged to have my father in my life. My daddy is one of my best friends. I can talk to him about anything without judgment or ridicule and I feel affirmed in who I am. He has made me feel this way all of my life.
Growing up, I watched my daddy closely. At one point, I wanted to be him. He was (is) smart, funny, and had (still has) all the charm with people. My friends would meet my dad and often say to me “Wow, your dad is so nice” “You’re lucky to have a dad” “OMG, Mr. Johnson is the best”. Even today, my current friends still tell me how nice my dad is and how they can feel the love he showers on others. My daddy has a true genuine spirit at his core.
Having the kind of father I have is one in a million. I often joke with my mom and tell her that she married the last good man on Earth…and she’ll say, “I know”. My father has an energy about him that is unmatched. Which is why the saying “marry a man like your father” doesn’t make sense to me. There is no man like my daddy but my daddy did teach me (be it knowingly or unknowingly) that my expectations for any man who comes into my life should be high.
Before I list the top five things my daddy taught me about men, I should be open about the past choices I’ve made regarding relationships. From the time I turned 18, I was eager to be someone’s girlfriend. I wasn’t allowed to date before then so sure enough, as soon as October 16, 2007 rolled around I was geeked! I introduced my dad to a boy who went to a different high school and I could feel the dislike my dad had for him. It wasn’t because my dad didn’t want to like him, my dad is good at reading people and he read that this boy wasn’t shit. And he was right, the guy and I broke up about 4 weeks later and he was actually at his high school talking mad trash about me and allowed others to do the same.
Now, my dad isn’t the type to comment on anyone’s relationship unless they initiate the conversation…but even then he may not comment. That’s just the type of person he is. From then I went on to date about three other guys as I matured into a woman. Each relationship showing me things I didn’t need in a partner. I questioned why I stayed in those relationships. When I finally had the courage to tell my dad the things that happened to me, he did nothing but shower me with a listening ear, love, and affection.
While there are a number of things my daddy has taught me about men, these five points are the ones that I believe are the most essential when selecting a life partner.
- Genuine love: The way my daddy loves me and loves other people is unmatched. Of course, no man is going to love you the way your father does, however, you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat you and others around them. Every day of my life (except three weeks when I was in high school and I was cutting up) my father has told me he loves me. Expressing love for someone makes them feel secure and safe. It makes them feel valued. My dad made sure to let me know that I was important. His actions showed that he walked his talk.
- I took the love my dad showered on me for granted in a couple of my relationships. If one of them told me they loved me, it was because I said it first. It seemed very forced and their actions did match up to the “love” they had for me.
- Provider: I grew up in a two-parent household. Both of my parents made a real decent amount of money. From what I could guess is that my father made the most money and he took care of some of the larger bills and my mom the others and groceries and necessity things. Rarely would my dad call off work unless we took a family vacation. He wanted to ensure that his family was provided for. Now, I don’t know all of the ins and outs of my parents’ finances but from what I saw from the outside looking in, my dad never treated my mom as inferior because she didn’t make as much money as he did. They worked together on making financial decisions that would best support themselves and me and my siblings. After an unfortunate turn of events when I went off to college, my father and his job parted ways after almost 30 years at the company and my mom’s income became the head of the household. That change didn’t stop my dad. He went to find other avenues of income so he could continue to provide the support the family needed the best he could. Today, he is still doing that and assisting in any way he can.
- Support System: My daddy is someone who you can talk to and can count on to be there when times get hard. During some of the times in my life where I’ve felt my world crashing down, my dad has prayed for me, held me tight, and helped me process. He’s provided countless hours of unsolicited advice and comfort. He makes me feel heard. He’s my biggest cheerleader. Any life choice I make, he’s behind me 100%. My dad has the kind of faith that allows him to not worry.
- I know that in my next relationship, this is something that is going to be key for me. I have the support system quality instilled me from my dad. I love trying to help others and listen to what they have going on. It’s important to have this reciprocated.
- My dad is a Mack: Lol! Let me start by saying my dad is a faithful man to mother. My dad would often share with me that because I’m a “Johnson” that we Johnsons automatically have the juice. So, naturally, women have always been drawn to my dad’s presence. Most times unsolicited. He told me a story about how he was working in a lab when he attended Hampton University for graduate school and a girl came in there and was instantly attracted to him. My dad laid down some ground rules and the rest was history. After he moved to Peoria, Illinois in the early ‘80s, he met my mom on the phone at her job and next thing he knows, he’s at her apartment and she cooked for him. Growing up in the house with my parents, my dad would sometimes flirt with my mom or buy her expensive jewelry. That’s just the type of energy that my dad gives off. He’s smooth without even trying.
- Flawed: Although, I think my daddy is perfect, he’s not afraid to let me know he has flaws. Transparency is key in any relationship. No one person is going to have everything you are looking for and no one person is perfect. The key is to work through those flaws. One flaw that my dad possesses is his inability to get rid of things. My dad has sooooo much stuff. Sometimes, it drives my mom crazy how much stuff he actually has. But he won’t throw them away. One day, he finally told me why he has attachment issues to his things. When my dad was a young adult, one of his sisters burned up items that belonged to him and other members of his family. These were things that he could never get back. The feeling of security started at that point. Sometimes, my dad will tell me that he’s going through his stuff to get rid of some things but then he’ll laugh and say “but I just moved it to another room”. He’s open about his imperfections.
And a 6th one that I thought a should mention, my daddy has always told me the truth. Honesty is the best love you can give someone.
To all the men out there in a relationship or looking to pursue a relationship with someone, ensure to work on yourselves to be the best person you can be for yourself and your partner.
To my daddy, Happy Father’s Day and Thank you for showing me the things I deserve.
❤ Queen T