I’m not going to sit here and beat a dead horse about the Ayesha Curry comments about her insecurities as a married woman. We’ve heard and read enough about the topic over the last couple weeks. But just so we’re clear, I agree with Ayesha.
What I am going to do is talk about one of the themes I read about and heard that surrounded the Curry situation. In the gross comments on Twitter (specifically from Black men *insert eyeroll here*), I read that Ayesha was an “attention seeker”, “a ho”, someone commented on her weight calling her fat, people said she didn’t appreciate having a loving and supportive husband. It made me sick to my stomach. Then, while listening to my daily guilty pleasure, The Breakfast Club, a hip hop radio show based out of New York, Charlemagne Tha God (CThaGod) said that the opinions of other people don’t matter. He said that we shouldn’t let other people’s opinions about us make us feel validated and all that matters is how Ayesha (or anyone) feels about herself (themselves) and how her husband feels about her. In summary, the theme here is: validation.
While I agree with CThaGod, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that this is not something that is easy to do. Ignoring the opinions of other people is literally impossible. Especially in the age of the drug we’re addicted to, social media. People give us their opinions about us on daily basis. Your boss tells about their opinion about your work ethic, a stranger may compliment your outfit. All these small instances are ways in which you hear people’s opinions and internalize them.
No matter who you are, you have some form of insecurity. When I was growing up, I was constantly ridiculed for how I looked and my skin color. People talked about my weight and told me I was ugly. Adults would tell me not to listen to others and that they were talking about me because they were upset with themselves. While this may be true because hurt people, HURT people, that didn’t negate the fact that those words hurt me. I started hearing these things when I was very young…kindergarten I think. Those experiences have had an affect on how I view myself today at 29. I’m very insecure still about my hair, my looks, especially my body. If a guy is interested in me, I never believe he is actually interested in me. It’s a never ending cycle.
We follow social media pages like The Shaderoom on instagram that constantly posts pictures of women with smaller bodies, flat stomachs and big butts calling them “body goals” while we rarely see a woman who is considered plus sized being labeled the same. We see these images and although they are not directly talking to us, these images are things that aid in the way we view ourselves. These “body goals” women have the “ideal” look that most of us may never get. These are opinions in picture form. We may not recognize it, but we internalize these images. I know I have and still do. I can appreciate my body one day and then get online and see someone with a different body and suddenly I don’t feel sexy anymore.
Seeing the things people said about Ayesha Curry only confirmed what I already knew, having money and privilege doesn’t make you exempt from having internal insecurities and it doesn’t make your exempt from ridicule. The only difference is, the ridicule is more present because of her status as a public figure and the wife of an NBA champion. Outside of all the money and fame, Ayesha is you and me. Living proof that you can still feel insecure about yourself even if you are in a seemingly perfect relationship. Living proof that the things people say or do not say matter. I don’t know one woman who doesn’t like to feel validated by others. When we don’t hear from the opposite sex that were attractive, we begin to internalize that we are not.
I do believe that we have to love ourselves and love the skin we are in. I am one who is working on this everyday, but I don’t think it’s fair to tell people not to listen to others’ opinions when it very well is hard to ignore. The best way to deal with other’s opinions is to continue to encourage yourselves and give yourself positive affirmations. Recognize that you were created uniquely and who you are is who you are.
What does validation mean to you? We’d love to hear from you!
❤ Queen T