In June 2010, I cut my hair into a short cut. I wasn’t trying to go natural, I needed to cut my hair off because it had gotten so damaged to the point of no return. I was putting relaxers in it, straightening it all the time, and braiding it up on top of all that damage. I started to notice my hair was really broke off in so many places. My entire life I’ve struggled with my hair. I believe my first relaxer was at age five because my hair was-and still is-extremely coarse. I never had hair that was considered long or “good” and was often talked about at school for the “lack” of hair that I had.
In 8th grade was when I started wearing microbraids. I kept micros in my hair all through high school and even into college because I didn’t want people to remember what my hair looked like in order to prevent them from saying so many cruel things to me. I literally hated my real hair. I never understood why my DNA made my hair the way it was. When I started maturing in college, I felt as if wearing micro braids was no longer something I should be doing. When I made the decision to wear my hair for a while, I was so self-conscious. I started relaxing it every three weeks because my hair is naturally coarse, you could see it starting to curl up in the back. Some would call this “nappy”. I didn’t want the “naps” to be noticeable so I kept relaxing and kept straightening. When I realized my hair had hit rock-bottom, I had my mom schedule me an appointment with someone back home to cut my hair off. I rocked the short style my entire junior year of college. I was still getting relaxers because my hair was short but I was now letting a professional do it.
Soon, I discovered the beautiful creation that was track hair. I started getting sew-ins with the cheap Bobbi Boss hair and when I get to grad school, I discovered online hair sellers. I THOUGHT I was buying quality bundles but in reality, that hair was about as trash as Bobbi Boss lol. But while I started getting sew-ins, I accidentally stopped getting relaxers. I fell into being natural. I let my relaxer grow out and would get my ends clipped every time I took my sew-ins out. Soon, I was 100% natural in grad school. I still wasn’t comfortable with it. I used to see people who were embracing their natural hair and their twist outs would be so bomb. My twist outs were non-existent. All my hair wanted to do was stay thick and unmanageable. I especially could not stand the shrinkage. I started reverting back to my old ways. Although I wasn’t relaxing my hair, I started blowing it out and straightening it again. When my hair started to get heat damaged, I had to cut it off and start over. That process was terrible.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve accepted that my hair is 4C and more coarse than anyone I know. I’ve embraced it. I think I’ve learned what my hair needs to be successful. I still wear my sew-ins (with quality bundles now thanks to thehairherosvirginhair.com) but when I’m not wearing them, I try to manage my hair without manipulating it too much. Over the last few years I’ve seen improvements in my hair and am happy with how long and thick it is now.
Love for your hair in all forms is a process in loving yourself as a whole. When you neglect your hair, you are neglecting a special part of you. It doesn’t matter how you wear it, it is about how you nurture it. Your hair is sensitive and it is a living vessel that needs attention. You have to figure out what works for your hair. Sometimes, it’s about trying new products. But also remember, you don’t need anyone to validate your hairstyle. If it is comfortable for you, then that is all that matters.
❤ Queen T